Tips to Relax

  • Take a deep breath. Let the air out very slowly. Imagine you are breathing in energy and breathing out tension. Do this several times
  • Shrug your shoulders. Hold for a count of five. Relax
  • Stretch your arms wide over your head, or as far as you can.
  • Go for a walk
  • Call a friend or family member who cares
  • Go to see a movie
  • Listen to soft music
  • Give yourself a hug
  • Make a craft or paint a picture
  • Write a letter to someone or yourself
  • Take a bath
  • Read a book
  • Get your hair done
  • Take a nap
  • Treat yourself to an ice cream cone
  • Watch your favorite TV show

A Safety Plan

Safety during an explosive incident

  1. If an argument seems unavoidable, try to have it a room or area that has access to an exit and not in a bathroom, kitchen or anywhere near weapons
  2. Practice how to get out of your home safely. Identify which doors, windows, elevator or stairwell would be best.
  3. Devise a code word to use with your children, family, friends and neighbors when you need the police.
  4. Decide and plan where you will go if your have to leave home (even if you don’t think you will need to)
  5. Always remember — You don’t deserve to be hit or threatened.

Safety when preparing to leave

  1. Open a savings account in your name to establish or increase your independence.
  2. Leave money, an extra set of keys, copies of important documents and extra clothes with someone you trust so you can leave quickly
  3. Keep the shelter phone number close at hand and keep some change or a calling card on you at all times for emergency phone calls.

Safety in your home

  1. Change the locks on your doors as soon as possible
  2. Discuss a safety plan with your children for when you are not with them.
  3. Inform you children’s school, day care, etc., about who has permission to pick up your children.

Safety first

Keep track of your stalker

If you want to use the courts or police to protect yourself, you need to document what is happening to you so that it can be presented as evidence in court.

Keep track of:

  • all incidents of harassment of threat
  • the feelings you experience about it
  • measures you have taken to protect yourself
You can do this in a journal or diary; or you can keep a log especially for stalking. Shelter staff may also assist in documenting if we see him around the shelter. In keeping track; be sure to record:

  1. Date and Time
  2. Description of the Inciden
  3. Any Witnesses – names, addresses and telephone number
  4. Whether you phoned the Police

Do’s and don’ts for protecting yourself

  • DO avoid all contact with the stalker and do not respond to the stalker once you’ve told him NO.
  • DO tell people what is happening to you and the danger you feel
  • DO tell other the importance of keeping your phone number and address secret
  • DO keep everything the stalker sends you on file and try to tape telephone messages
  • DO keep a diary of approaches, calls, letters and incidents to do with the stalking
  • DO report the staking to the police. Try not to be discouraged if they don’t respond the way you want.
  • DON’T ignore what is happening to you or keep it a secret
  • DON’T minimize or underestimate the danger you may be in

Pay Attention to this behaviour

  • Guys who don’t listen to you, ignore you or talk over you. These guys have no respect for women.
  • Guys who sit or stand too close to you, make you feel uncomfortable and enjoy making you feel this way.
  • Guys who POWER STARE – You know – when a guy is looking right through you or down at you.
  • Guys who do only what they want or push or grab you to get what they want
  • Guys who express anger and violence towards women either through words (i.e.. Bitch, I’m going to kill you…) or by pushing, shoving or biting
  • Guys with a bad attitude toward women (i.e.. Women are meant to be seen and not heard…a woman’s place is in the kitchen so she can serve a man…)
  • Guys who are overly jealous or possessive – these guys can be very controlling
  • Guys who drink or use drugs heavily
  • Guys with a reputation for scoring. They are likely to pressure you for sex when you go out with them