WHAT STYLE OF RELATIONSHIP ARE YOU IN?

DEPENDENCY

Exhausting, tiring, leaning, throws off balance, paranoia.

SMOTHERING

No movement, suffocating and an inability to grow mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

PEDESTAL

Power imbalance, unrealistic impressions and a lack of communication, void of feeling.

MASTER / SLAVE

Viewed as an object to be “owned”, sole ownership, lack of independence, growth, “I’m boss, I make the decisions, you are here for my benefit”.

BOARDING HOUSE

Routine, limited communications, no intimacy, relationship on the “way out”.

MARTYR

Guilt, lack of communication or one-sided.

ARE YOU IN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?

Take this quick quiz and find out.

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BILL OF RIGHTS

I have the right to make my own decisions.I have the right to use my own judgement.

I have the right to say “no” without feeling guilty.

I have the right to feel anger and express it appropriately.

I have the right to make mistakes.

I have the right to be treated as a capable human being.

I have the right to feel and express love and affection.

I have the right to have my needs be as important as others.

I have the right to my feelings.

I have the right to ask for what I want.

I have the right to change my mind.

FACTORS IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

  • Trust
  • Honesty, spontaneity
  • Openness
  • Understanding
  • Flexibility/compromise
  • Clear boundaries
  • Growth
  • Acceptance of self, partner and relationship
  • Respect
  • Intimacy, spirituality
  • Commitment is an active choice
  • Space
  • Individuality
  • Affirmations
  • Equality/shared power
  • Risks taken by both parties

FACTORS IN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

  • Lack trust; jealousy may be present
  • Abuser only sees what he/she wants to see, deceives the partner and self
  • Closed, private, unwilling to share anything about one’s own thoughts, wants and emotions
  • No effort is made to become aware of the significant other’s needs, feelings, wants
  • Inflexible; compromise occurs only when abuser’s demands are met, or during the honeymoon phase
  • Unclear, diffuse boundaries, as if both partners are one; victim sacrifices all identity and individuality
  • Stagnation; intimacy becomes a routine chore.
  • Little or no acceptance of self, partner or relationship
  • Belief that one partner is godlike while other is worthless; respect demanded by abuser but abuser gives none in return
  • No warm feelings; intimacy is like a chore; fear is present; force may be used
  • Both partners are committed only to one person’s needs; victim feels trapped
  • Victim is expected to spend all free time with abuser; may give up friends, family, school, job; victim feels isolated
  • Differences not respected and growth not fostered
  • Given only when victim gives in to demands or during honeymoon phase
  • A one-up, on-down situation; force and coercion are used. Physical, psychological and sexual violence may occur.
  • Victim afraid to express emotions, wants or needs for fear of further abuse.